When I was a little girl I was told to ignore the bully, when you ignore the bully you take away their power. That worked, up to a point, right about the time when I threw the bully's school bag across a busy, 8 lane main road right in front of her father and then turned and screamed at her to stop bullying me!
Not my proudest moment but worth taking a lesson from it. Stand up for yourself.
ignoring the workmate who belittles you, questions your ability, challenges you to stay positive about who are and what you do is incredibility difficult. Losing it, like I did as a child, is not recommended. Dealing with it, standing up for yourself is.
Before looking at strategies for standing up for yourself remember that their behaviour is a reflection of what's going on for them. They may be intimidated or jealous of you and therefore are acting out. In this instance it can be easier to feel sorry for them as their toolbox of skills for coping with jealousy, comparing, intimidation is limited. You may be able to flex your communication with them so they can start to see you as less of a threat.
There is a proportion of our society, albeit a small one, that will always behave in such unacceptable ways. It's up to you to observe, learn and determine if this is one of those people in the minority or someone you believe you can invest time and effort with in order to improve the relationship. If they are not going to change, the strategies you adopt will have to include stronger resilience and an ability to speak up for yourself if challenged publicly.
Reach out to others who know you and discuss the issue - not vent, whinge, gossip - seriously discuss and agree strategies. For example, the next time the nasty workmate belittles you to someone then that person can approach you to clarify any details. Or that person can challenge the nasty workmate.
Always check your human resources policies and procedures to find out what your organisation determines as appropriate behaviour. Your HR department are equipped to advise you.
Ask your mentor or someone who knows both you and the nasty workmate what they think of the situation. An outsider's view might be valuable for working out your next steps. At best, you can be assured no one believes the nasty workmate. At worst you'll have an opportunity to clarify and work with someone to resolve this issue.
A strategy you may like to try, is calling the behaviour! Before you speak, take calming breathes and jot down some script-like notes to ensure you are clear in what you want to say. You could use your own version of these:
- Ask the nasty workmate directly to discuss why they are talking about you to others and not directly with you?
- Let them know that you'd prefer to have an open, respectful and honest conversation if there are any issues that need addressing.
- Make is clear you would welcome an opportunity to ensure nothing is wrong and that talking about people being their backs actually makes more people look bad rather than good.
- Ask them what they need in order for the two of you to have a more positive working relationship.
Is this easy to do? No. But it's worth the attempt. When you make an effort to improve the situation you can be proud of yourself for making the effort. You can let your boss know you have made an attempt to improve the situation and let them know how it all went.
In the minutes directly after throwing the bully's school bag across the road, I was running home as fast as I could not because I was proud of myself, but because I was worried I'd get into trouble. I did not sleep easy that night. Even if the nasty workmate refuses to change their behaviour be sure that your efforts leave you sleeping calmly. You may have heard this before: if your behaviour was splashed across the front page of a newspaper or news bulletin and your family (or those whose respect you'd hate to lose) saw it would you be okay with it?
Cats. They demand respect. They expect you to serve them and let's face it, they are either secretly plotting to kill you or to take over the world. When your cat is showing signs of The Plotts, be afraid....be very very afraid.
7) The cat's meow mimics that of a baby crying - meaning - it triggers the brain into thinking a baby is in distress. You will start to feel anxious, your blood pressure will rise and you will succumb to the cat's demand.
Cat 1 - Human Nudda.
6) Kittens sleep more than adult cats because it is when they are asleep that their growth hormone gets released into their body. The growth hormone stops when they are being crazy kittens. That's why some kittens appear to be bigger when they wake up, the hormone is working its magic.
Cat 1 - Human Zero. Let's face it, we all want to sleep 18 hours a day.
5) Cat's can instinctively climb up a tree, but need to be taught how to climb down. Cat's also can't climb down head first.
Cat 0 - Human 1.
4) Cat urine glows in the dark when a black light shines on it. Someone has to try this!
Cat 0 - Human 1
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